


Survivor.

by lizibabes



Series: Dark Bingo [12]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M, Sexual Abuse, Swearing, mentions of past non-con, past abuse of power, past dub-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-29
Updated: 2012-01-29
Packaged: 2017-10-30 08:04:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/329607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fill for the prompt sexual abuse on Dark bingo and Love for 10_hurt_comfort. Tommy has a dark secret and Adam accidentally finds out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Survivor.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> Dark in places.

Adam POV  


 

Tour had been kicking his ass. He loved it. God did he ever love it, but it was such hard work and he was tired, so he'd decided to stay on the bus instead of going out. He'd put a movie on, got under a blanket on the couch, planning to relax and he'd fallen asleep instead. He's not sure what woke him up for a few seconds, the movies still playing. It's near the end, meaning he's been asleep for around an hour, so he doubts it's someone coming back to the bus that woke him up, but then he hears a voice he recognizes immediately.  
　  
Tommy Joe; his heart flutters whenever he hears his best friend’s voice, because apparently he has the mentality and emotion range of a kid in middle school. A crush on his best friend. His very much straight friend. He'd really thought it would fizzle out, but it seems to be stubbornly staying right where it is, maybe even getting worse. Before he knows it, he'll be blushing every time Tommy says his name. He strains to hear if anyone else is with Tommy, but it seems like Tommy is the one talking. Adam thinks he must be on his cell phone. He's about to sit up, make Tommy aware of his presence, but what Tommy says next makes him freeze. He feels like all the blood in his body has frozen.  
　  
"He's up for early release? After what he did to us? To all those other kids?" The genuine fear in Tommy's voice makes Adam feel sick. He's never heard Tommy mention anything about anyone he knows being in jail or being a victim of a crime.  
　  
"The lawyer’s sure he won't get it? Thank fuck, if they need more people to testify about why he shouldn't get released fucking ever, I'll come. I can't just sit back and do nothing," Now he sounds afraid and angry and Adam doesn't understand. He thinks about making himself known, but then Tommy will think he was listening in on his phone call, which he is, but not on purpose, at least not to begin with.  
　  
"Yeah, of course I'll still help with the benefit, tours over by then anyway and if I needed to, I'd take the time off for it. It's the least I can do, I mean, man, you set up a whole charity to help kids like us. You’re doing important work. I want to help anyway I can," Tommy sighs.  
　  
Adam couldn't be more confused if he tried. He didn't know that a friend of Tommy's ran a charity, doesn't know what Tommy means by kids like them.  
　  
"How could I not support M.S.A.S? We didn't have anyone to help us back then. There was a trial, he went to jail and then everyone just got on with their lives. No one was there to help us. My parents tried, but they didn't know what to do. You give people somewhere to go. I'm so proud of you, man." Tommy somehow manages to sound sad, but pleased for his friend at the same time. Adam's never heard of M.S.A.S. He wonders if it's a charity for bullying or something. Since joining the band, Tommy has always said yes when asked to do something for a bullying charity or a gay rights one.  
　  
When Tommy ends his call, Adam lies down and pretends to be asleep, like a total coward, but he'll take being a coward over Tommy thinking he's the kind of creep that purposely listens in on his friend’s conversations. He waits until he hears Tommy kicking off his boots and climbing into his bunk before he pulls out his phone and heads straight to Google. He types in M.S.A.S. and almost drops his phone at the first result. M.S.A.S. stands for Male Sexual Assault Survivors. He clicks onto the site, feeling like his throat has suddenly closed up. The site's main page talks about how they are trying to raise more awareness about male rapes and assaults as it's still a crime that goes largely unreported. There are statistics that make Adam's heart break even more. He's shocked by the lack of charities and help aimed at boys, young men, adults, appalled at the things people think about male rape, that it only happens to gay men and that's because they want it. The more he reads, the sicker he feels, but this charity gives him some hope. They are dedicated to helping assault survivors, helping them get through hard times, helping them get past more than just the physical damage.  
　  
There's a link to the charity’s founders bio. Adam clicks onto it. The man who started the charity is a year older than Tommy and from the same place. When Adam gets to the personal statement the guy’s written beneath all the standard age, occupation and education, he feels his eyes begin to sting with unshed tears.  
　  
 _When I was thirteen, I met this new teacher as I came out of the office. He said it was his first day. He talked to me like I was a grown up, not a kid. At thirteen, I foolishly thought I was all grown up, but I know different now. He was one of the youngest teachers on the staff and the nicest. All the girls were disappointed when they noticed the gold wedding band on his finger. He was_ _married with three kids and I thank God every day that he had girls. I don't think a son would have survived long in that house.  
　  
When he asked me to stay after school to talk, I didn't think anything of it, I just assumed he wanted to talk about school work. I quickly found that the friendly, nice guy, Mr. perfect image was all a mask, a cover for the man he really was. Hell, he's not a man, he's a monster. When he started the assaults, I didn't know who to tell. He was a teacher, I didn't think another teacher would believe me over him and I was too scared to tell my parents. When he started raping me, I wanted to kill myself, anything to get away from him. And then one day I realized I wasn't the only one he was hurting. I saw the haunted look on a friend’s face that I'd been seeing in the mirror whenever I could force myself to look. I think I noticed first, but he was the one to bring it up. We both realized we weren't the only ones. I knew we needed to stop him, but I was afraid, my friend got me to come to the police with him, skipping over teachers.  
　  
I don't think they believed us at all to begin with. They thought we were lying, out of spite, because of a bad grade or something like that. I was about ready to give up, so sure they wouldn't even look into it. Once again my friend was braver than me. He pushed his jeans down a little right there in the station. He had these bruise that couldn't be mistaken for anything other than hand prints, too big for either of us to have done it, for any kid to do it. They finally took us seriously after that. His house was searched. They found child porn, school year books as well, kids clothing and other 'trophies*. He was arrested on the spot. Five more boys from our school reported him once he was locked up and they felt safe enough to do it. I always thought maybe there were more boys that were too afraid to come out. They looked into every school he'd ever worked out. I think in total, thirty boys came forward. He's in jail now, where he belongs. Every few years, he tries to appeal the court’s sentence. So far he's not managed, I hope he never does. Sitting in a cell won't have changed him for the better. I'm confident that he would re-offended .His wife filed for divorce the moment she saw the stuff he'd hid in their house. I believe that she really didn't know about him, he was so good at pretending to be other people that I don't doubt that he played the role of loving husband and devoted father. Justice helped a little, but it didn't take away the pain, the scars he'd left inside where nobody could see. We had to rebuild ourselves and there was no one there to help us.  
　  
I started this charity because I wanted to help people like me and the other boys. We can't always stop terrible things from happening, but when they do, I think there should be someone there who will help support you. No one should have to go through this alone.  
　  
All it takes is one person to speak out. I want boys and men to know that. That they have a right to speak out against their attackers, a right to get help after. If you’re attacked in any way, you should report it, make someone listen. After one person steps forward, often the floodgates will open and the more people, the louder your voice is. That's another thing we are working on, giving survivors a voice.  
　  
I had a best friend who got me through it all, but he didn't have anyone to help him threw it. I didn't realize that until years after. He was my rock, but he had no one to lean on. I wish there had been something like M.S.A.S. when I was a kid, but there is now and hopefully we can help people.  
　  
_ Adam doesn't realize he's crying until he touches his face and he finds his cheeks wet. Fuck, twelve and thirteen. He can't even imagine what those kids went through. And worst still, going through all of that and surviving only to realize you had no one to talk to, no support, he can't imagine it. Adam has a terrible feeling though. Tommy was a year younger than this guy. They went to the same school. He doesn't want Tommy to be the best friend that had helped him through his ordeal, the kid that had showed the hand print bruises on his hips so that the cops would take them seriously, but that sounds like the sort of thing Tommy would do and with the things he said on the phone, it all makes sense, it fits. God, something like that shouldn't happen to any child, any person, but the idea that maybe Tommy went through that makes his heart break into a million pieces. Tommy, who's so kind and laid back; Tommy, who’s lets Adam grab at him on stage. He's half in love with Tommy. He can't stand the idea of Tommy having been hurt that way. He turns his phone off and goes to bed. He doesn't want the others to see that he's been crying. They'd want to ask why he was crying and clearly Tommy doesn't want them to know about what happens. He goes to bed, but he can't sleep, thoughts racing through his head; Tommy's phone call, the half of the conversation he heard, the words his friend had wrote on his charities site. It all plays on a loop in his mind, till sometime in the early hours of the morning, his body finally takes over, exhaustion shutting off his brain and dragging him into sleep.  
　  
In the morning, he finds Tommy on the couch already nursing a cup of coffee. He looks like he hasn't slept much either, but with Tommy that could just be his normal insomnia. There are too many people around, so Adam doesn't say anything, not that he knows what he's going to say when they are alone. So he doesn't try and get Tommy alone. Instead, after lunch the next day, he finds himself being dragged into his own room on the bus, by an irritated looking Tommy.  
　  
"You let me use your phone to look up the local restaurants we could eat at," Tommy says as he shuts the door.  
　  
"Yeah, because you forgot your cell phone." He doesn't get why Tommy seems mad at him.  
　  
"Your search history came up, the most recent searches. Why did you look up M.S.A.S?" Tommy asks, but something in his eyes tells him that Tommy already knows the answer.  
　  
"I overheard you on the phone the other night. I'd fallen asleep on the couch, woke up when I heard your voice, I didn't mean to listen in." Which is pretty much the truth. Maybe he should have let Tommy know he was there, but he'd been half asleep and worried about Tommy.  
　  
"What did you hear?" Tommy presses. He still doesn't look at all happy. Adam doesn't blame him. He didn't have a right to know about what happened, just because they’re friends, because he's a little in love with Tommy, doesn't mean he should have nosed into their business, but he thinks he would have been worried if he'd heard any of his friends saying something like that on the phone.  
　  
"That your friend runs a charity and that you were helping with a benefit. I heard you talking about someone being in prison. I hadn't heard of the charity, so I looked it up. I was going to tell you about the call and the site. But I figured you kept it secret for a reason and I didn't want to make you talk about it," Adam sighs.  
　  
"I didn't want you to know, but you do right? You’re smart enough to put that all together," Tommy says, arms folded, all of his body language screaming defensive.  
　  
"You were sexually abused by a teacher when you were twelve. You’re the best friend from the statement, the one who went to the police, showed them proof." Adam says softly.  
　  
"I didn't want you to see me as a victim, to act weird or treat me differently. I can't say that it doesn't still affect me in some ways, but I'm not going to break or freak out. My parents walked on eggshells around me for years. I don't want you to do that as well." Tommy shakes his head and Adam hates that Tommy's hurting. He knows he can't magically fix it, take away the pain of Tommy's past, but he wants to be able to help Tommy. He wants to make it better. And he knows Tommy's not a victim, like the site says. He's a saviour.  
　  
"I won't, Tommy. I don't think you’re weak or that you will break. I think you’re strong and brave, standing up for yourself like that, coming forward even though you knew it wouldn't be easy." He really doesn't like the idea of Tommy at twelve having to prove he wasn't lying when he'd reported being sexually abused.  
　  
"Don't get weird on me because of my past, please?" Tommy says quietly.  
　  
"Baby, I promise not to be any weirder than I normally am. But if you ever want to talk, you can come to me. You’re not alone on this tour. You have a second family and we all love you. Letting us look after you if you ever need it, doesn't make you weak." The dancers and band did all love Tommy like family, but Adam; hell, his feelings were far from platonic.  
　  
"Okay, I will, if I need to. In the interest of this full honesty thing we seem to be doing, I should tell you something," Tommy says looking very awkward.  
　  
"You can tell me anything," Adam promises.  
　  
"I always thought I was Bi, but I never tried to date a guy. I was too worried that I would freak out when it came to sex," Tommy says, cheeks blushing a dark pink colour.  
　  
"Does it bother you when I kiss you?" Adam asks. If Tommy's attracted to men but afraid to be intimate with one, he wonders what affect Adam kissing him, playing with him on stage has.  
　  
"The first time, I was a little shocked, but it's cool. I like it. I never feel panicky or scared around you. I was overwhelmed by the audience reaction. I kind of love it now." Tommy shrugs and if this were a movie this would be the moment that he told Tommy he kind of loved _him_ , but life wasn't a movie.  
　  
"If I ever go too far, tell me. I care about you too much to risk hurting you in anyway." Care, he does care, but it's beyond that. But maybe now isn't the best time for a confession of love, maybe it'll never be the right time to tell Tommy he loves him.  
　  
"You said you wouldn't act like you’re walking on egg shells, but you are." Tommy scowls.  
　  
"No, I'm trying to respect your boundaries. You’re always just letting me do what I want to you. You’re always so worried about keeping us all happy that you forget to take care of yourself. I know you won't stop looking after all of us, so least you can do is let someone worry about you," Adam says firmly.  
　  
"Why do you care so much? We're friends, and no one else tries to mother me the way you do," Tommy points out and all Adam can think is that the others aren't in love with Tommy. They just love him, like family.  
　  
"You’re my favourite," Adam says, aiming for casual.  
　  
"So we're back to lying?" Tommy asks.  
　  
"Fuck it! I'm in love with you. Have been since the beginning, because I'm a pathetic idiot who's fallen in love with his straight best friend," Adam blurts out, too stressed, too worried about Tommy, angry on his behalf. He just can't hold anything else in.  
　  
"First off, you’re not pathetic and second, I'm not all that straight Adam, just afraid." Tommy drops his eyes down as he says the last bit, like he's embarrassed or something else equally stupid. Adam takes a slow step forwards, cups Tommy's chin gently, getting him to look up again, at Adam instead of his shoes.  
　  
"I love you. It won't matter me if nothing ever happens between us, but what I won't just let you do is hate yourself or hide from people who love you. Please don't hide from me," Adam begs.  
　  
"Why do you love me?" Tommy asks, practically whispering.  
　  
"When I first met you, I liked your look and then you turned out to be this cool, talented, sweet, kind person and I fell so fucking hard. I've tried not to develop feelings like that for you, but it doesn't go away, it just gets deeper all the time." He tries to pass it off as a crush, but he's been in love before. He knows what it’s like, recognizes the feeling.  
　  
Tommy steps forward, closer to Adam. He leans up and kisses Adam, short and sweet, lips hardly even touching.  
　  
"Not that I'm complaining, but what was that for," Adam asks, thumb coming up to rub over his bottom lip. He feels like he can still feel Tommy's lips on his.  
　  
"For loving me even though you've seen the ugly parts. I always thought that you should only love someone who can take you at your worse. Sure, maybe you haven't seen the worst probably, but I think you could handle it. I feel something too, Adam. I'm not sure if it's love. I've never been in love before," Tommy tells him quietly.  
　  
"But you want to try? To see if it is love?" Adam asks, carefully pulling Tommy into a hug. He's said he won't act differently around Tommy and it would be different if he didn't hug him, plus he just really wants to hold him.  
　  
"I want to try, but can we take things slow?" Tommy asks, looking so hopeful that Adam wants to kiss him, but he's determined to take it slow.  
　  
"As slow as you need it, Tommy. I'd wait forever for you," he says softly, threading the fingers on one hand through Tommy's hair. He means it. He will wait forever if Tommy needs him to. He thinks true love is worth the wait.  
　  
"I'll try and not take that long," Tommy says with a small smile and then their kissing again. Adam couldn't even say who started it, but it stays slow and sweet. It feels perfect. If all they ever do is kiss, Adam won't care. He'd rather have Tommy in his life than sex. He can't help smiling even as they kiss. He has the man he loves. He might be a little broken, but for love, Adam's willing to do anything, take on any obstacle in his path.  
　  
The End.


End file.
